27 patients

1 doctor, no intern, 27 patients; one of them being the guy in room 12, who stabbed himself in the abdomen, intentionally, deep enough to injure an organ...because of a girl. 90 percent of the time it's because of a girl; the other 10 percent they weren't doing anything. They had had one beer and they were going home and these guys just attacked them for no good reason...yes, it's all fun and games until someone lands up with a chest drain hey? worse of course, is the guy in 6 bed 1, learning how to walk again after he was stabbed in the spine.
Who else is in the ward...it was 'break-one-mandible-get-a-black-eye-for-free' weekend this weekend, so I've got a couple of those in the ward. Shame, the guy in room 1 bed 2 looks pretty bad. I mean his face literally is swollen the shape of a soccer ball and he can't talk his lips and face are so distorted.
Then there's conundrum in room 4 bed 5. He's my 'Dr House' patient. Seriously. I keep going through this list of differentials and getting nowhere and then today he went all 'acute flaccid paralysis' on me and I had to do an LP - in a surgery ward!Lucky I'm not really a surgeon otherwise I wouldn't have known what to do and then we would've been in trouble and by we, I mean the patient...not me really. Surgeons don't care.
Speaking of LP's, can you believe they admitted a 'bacterial meningitis' into my ward! I was tired and I didn't feel like seeing him properly so I turfed him to medicine (appropriately so) without a phone call. Didn't feel bad though, Dr Grumpy in ward 9 had turfed a sinusitis/intracranial abscess back from Baragwanath without a phone call. Ha, at least my patients fixed. Your's is still broken!
Ah, but my absolute favourite was the patient admitted by my Consultant with an appendix mass, who I suspect has a bit of a psych history (generally only patients who have required an admission at Witrand know about Witrand) because when I examined his super soft and non-tender abdomen this morning and asked him what was wrong he only had 1 thing to say..."I want Beer".
That my friend, is the get out of jail free card in ward 6...except if you're the 1 doctor.