The Universal Pen Theory

Some people may think that the essential tool of any doctor is maybe their stethoscope? Maybe needles and syringes? Perhaps a defibrillator (picture a flatline on a monitor, someone shouts Vfib and then they pull out these paddles and call "Charge to 300")? Perhaps an ENT set or those nasty ice-cream sticks that no one loves?
No not true.
You see surgeons' stethoscopes gather dust and I don't think a radiologist would know what a defibrillator was if you showed it to him and said the word r-ea-l-ly sl-oooooow-l-y.

No. The essential tool of any doctor, the one thing that unites us all and leaves us lost and useless at work in its absence is a pen. Specifically, a black pen.
Blue is apparently tantamount to giving an A+ patient, B+ blood, it would seem. I once dared to use a blue pen because I could find no other pen to make notes with, and the sister in charge of the clinic sent the whole folder back and informed me with a very straight face, that I had to rewrite everything from the consultation; notes, prescription, admission forms and consent documents, because no where in the hospital would they accept blue pen notes!
Allegedly, blue does not photocopy well - and makes keeping records of the records problematic, which becomes problematic when you need your notes to defend you in a lawsuit somewhere down the line. Hey - you hear the word lawsuit you do what people say...but I think the bureaucrat that came up with that fallacy had a standard issue government photocopier that probably hadn't been serviced since the stone age.

I digress...the point I actually wanted to make is a secret of the universe that I have discovered which is guaranteed to cut down on pen frustration everywhere.
You see, pens - like socks and teaspoons, have this annoying tendency to disapparate. One minute they're in your pocket and the next minute they're gone.
Any doctor worth his MBChB salt avoids pen frustration by firstly never buying anything more expensive than a standard Bic Click pen, and never having less than at least 2 in your bag. Drug reps also usually provide handy emergency stashes, but emergency is all that they qualify for. They are designed to get you to the end of the day only - their life force is simply not strong enough to survive more than a few hours of government doctor writing.
The loss of a trusty Bic Pen produces profound pen anxiety. There simply is very little you can do in your day without one. It is somewhat alleviated by borrowing a pen from a colleagues emergency stash.  Some anxiety still remains however, as the possibility of returning the pen is slim to none. No one intentionally steals a pen. Everyone does it purely by accident...but the stigma remains in our minds none the less.
Failure to locate a good samaritan results in you taking on a desperate search of the local environment looking for a lonely pen that has been neglected by it's owner. The charge on your head is so much greater for the day though...kidnapper!

It's all been for no good reason.
You see, pens are not property of individuals (the one exception being fancy Parker pen sets with names engraved on them).
Pens are property of the universe.
Bic pens especially are so standardised they gave themselves away immediately. I myself on many occasions have unintentionally neglected to return a pen to it's rightful owner and on one occasion I can remember being desperate enough to kidnap one. At the same time, I lose a pen a week, at least, and as such I am constantly adding to the universal pen fund. If I manage to get a Bic pen to the point where its ink runs out before I lose it, I basically throw it a funeral. I also keep more than 2 in my bag so that I can give them out freely to the universe without needing them to return.
I haven't had pen anxiety for ages...and neither should you!